God, Wife, and Struggles

If you haven’t already read my post about PCOS. I recommend you go and read it before reading this.

I remember sitting on the toilet confused for about 15 seconds before I realized could possibly be pregnant. I watched the pregnancy test as the first line formed and flipped it over convinced that I had gotten some backwards test. When the second line formed, I think I was in some sort of shock state. I sat there not really sure what to do, then just started bawling. As I still sat on the toilet, I called my husband, he had just left for his Monday night bible study. Crying, I tried to explain to him that I got a positive pregnancy. He just asked, “Should I turn around?” I was like, “I don’t know, maybe? I don’t know.. Maybe come back? Yeah, you should probably come back. Can you come back, please?” He giggled and said he was headed back home.

I walked all around the house, waiting for him to come home. That previous Friday, we had met up with a natural fertility specialist. She had gave us some hope and was going to naturally help us conceive. It was Monday, I hadn’t even had time to look through the different books she had provided for us. I called her and asked what I should do. She explained how we weren’t the first couple that she’s had this happen to. She was so excited for us. She told me to call the doctor and make an appointment to confirm the pregnancy and get myself on progesterone right away. So, I did. That same night, I asked J if we could go to Wal-Mart because I wanted one of those cool digital tests and ice cream. So, as any good husband, he took me to Wal-Mart.

October 2018, I experienced a miscarriage. J and I were in Colorado at the time, on vacation. I decided that I did not want to leave early. We only had one more day and I wanted to enjoy our time, even though I knew what was happening. On our way home, I called a good friend of ours who is a nurse and works hand in hand with new mothers as a full time job. I explained what was happening and she, also, thought that I was going through a miscarriage. When we got to Lincoln, we stopped at my parents so I could take a shower before heading to the ER. At the ER they ran test and said that I was just experiencing a bad and heavy period. They said because of my PCOS everything seemed to be fine and that it would pass. But as someone who has had PCOS for years and knows what’s normal. I knew that they was different. That night we were sent home devastated. We knew that we would get a big bill to tell us that I was “just having a heavy period.” 

Talking more with my midwife through this pregnancy, she as confirmed that I had been bleeding for too long for them to rule out a miscarriage and call it a heavy period. All of the things that happened during that “heavy period” were indicators of a miscarriage and therefore should treat it as such.  Since then, I have not had anything like this. *Praise the Lord.* 

Back to almost eight months ago,  I started to bleed. I called the fertility specialist and she told me to call the doctor and set up an appointment. The doctor sent us to get an ultrasound. We found out then that I was 5 weeks pregnant and I was just having gestational bleeding. I once more started bleeding at 8 weeks, but everything was fine. In the first five months, I lost 25 pounds because turns out morning sickness isn’t just for the morning.

. . .

Well, here we are thirty-two weeks later. I wake up some morning and I still think it’s not real. But my body reminds me really fast that I am still pregnant. I’m getting to the point where rolling just to the side is difficult. I have found out that my pelvis can pop out of place.

BUT there are also those awesome moments where you can feel the baby having hiccups. Or when my husband talks to the baby and it moves around. Felling the first flutters, hearing the heartbeat, experiencing your whole belly move for the first time. Freaking out because of your first Braxton hicks.

Needless to say, we are excited to meet our little “happy feet.” We can’t wait for those sleepless nights and baby snuggles. I praise the Lord because this truly does feel like a reward.

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalms 127:3

Image by sebagee from Pixabay