God, Wife, and Struggles

2020 was filled with new challenges but it brought me so many new friends. Who would have thought that a year that’s been filled with so much distance would bring me closer to women older and younger than me?

January, I spent in isolation. This month was the hardest. I had recently given birth to Roger, I was not having much luck with breastfeeding, and postpartum depression was, well to say the least… Bad.

February, I talked to my midwife about going on an antidepressant. Roger was getting a little better at breastfeeding. I started to venture out into the world again.

March, Target became our best friend. I would go because they have a breastfeeding room and I was comfortable feeding Roger there. The antidepressant was doing its thing. Life was starting to get back to normality. We learn that Roger loves the trampoline.

April, Covid-19 restrictions start. No one really knows what’s going on. Jethro is working pretty much full-time. I manage to get our taxes in before the April 15 deadline. Roger is starting to roll over and wiggle to different parts of the room. Joined a life group and a bible study through Zoom.

May, I stop the antidepressant because I’m doing better. Roger is eating solids because he’s not gaining weight well. We learn that he really likes food. Our garden is starting to produce lettuce for us to enjoy. We decide this is probably the best time for us to take a small family vacation. We book an Airbnb about an hour and a half away from home.

June, SURPRISE! Baby #2 is on the way! I spend the next two months in denial. Nausea is my life. Our garden is looking more like a garden and less like a big pile of random wood chips in our yard. I’ve found a wonderful group of God-loving moms at a farm where we pick up raw milk every Wednesday.

July, I’m doing a really good job at pretending like I’m not isolating… or so I make myself believe. I look forward to going to the farm. Roger has stopped breastfeeding but I found a wonderful mama who donates milk for the next two months.

August, Jethro let me know that I am not in a mentally healthy spot. I go back on the antidepressant. Church opens up again, we make an effort to make it on time. Roger is starting to crawl. By the end of the month, I’m spending lots of time with friends and not so much in isolation.

September, I’m starting to get excited for baby #2. It’s a Boy! My stepmom learns how to make churros to satisfy my cravings, bless her. Roger is starting to learn he can stand if he holds on to things. His best friend is the cat. My friend and I start a mom’s life group.

October, We still have a big yield of veggies in our garden. Nausea is still controlling my appetite but not as bad as when I was pregnant with Ro. We go on a Nelsen family camping trip. We have our first trip into Labor and Delivery, preeclampsia check. All is well, mama and baby are healthy. Roger is teething. I started volunteering at The Crisis Pregnancy Center as an interpreter, every Tuesday.

November, Still going strong at the farm. Roger is doing well staying with his grandparents for a few hours by himself. Jethro is working 60 hours a week. We put our older dog down. I’m feeling some holiday blues because I know we won’t be celebrating with everyone this year. Second trip to L&D, another Pre-eclampsia check. Still doing well.

December, one of my busiest months since Covid started. Our other dog moves in with my parents. I help a friend out with her wedding, we celebrate our anniversary, spend the 24th with my parents, the 25th with Jethro’s, the 31st with my parents, and the 1st with Jethro’s.

So, lots of happened but I only remember because I looked through my camera roll. What I do remember is hanging out with friends. Talking with moms about the struggles of motherhood and encouraging one another. Introducing a friend to Christ. Feeling the wiggles and jabs of our little bean in my belly. Watching Roger grow in front of my eyes. Seeing my little brother become really good friends with Roger and being excited for when we arrive. Seeing my husband enjoy talking about God through Zoom, then in person. Experiencing the joy of watching women learn that they are about to become mothers. Holding my friend’s newborn. Connecting with people that I haven’t talked to in years. Meeting and letting our neighbors know that we truly care for them and that we will be there if they need us.

Now, I don’t know what 2021 is going to bring but I know that my faith is not on that. My faith still remains in Christ. I look forward to meeting our little one soon, not having to wear a mask, and to new friendships as we continue life group and bible study.