God, Wife, and Struggles

Man… I can’t believe it’s already 2023. Let alone that we are pretty much halfway through February! Time passes too fast. For the past year, I kept on wanting to sit down and write something. I used to use this as a way to get some of my thoughts out but ever since I made it more public I can’t seem to get myself out there. I think to myself, do we really need another “blog”? How is this going to help people? But slowly, I’ve started to bring myself back to the reason I started all of this. To just get my inner thoughts out on something visible.

Sometimes, my brain can be this mess of thoughts each one yelling at the other louder and trying to be more important than the other… Thanks, anxiety ❤ And I easily forget where I was going. (Like, I’m only a paragraph in and I forgot the topic which I wanted to write about). But I need to continue to use this tool as my source of thought. Not for you necessarily, but to be able to sometimes think more linearly. That might mean that the next blogs have more deep thinking, thought processing, and uncomfortable topics that are probably going to be written about. I hope you stick with me through them because I would love to chat with people of all wavelengths about whatever comes next. And I hope that even if we don’t share the same opinions we can respect and love each other through that.

Anyways, back to 2022 for a second. A few months into the year, I found out that I was expecting our third child. I was very thrilled because this was what we wanted. But I knew that I needed to do something about my mental health if I wanted to be a loving, patient, and functioning wife and mother. So, I did what most other people would do if they were in that position… Ignored it. 🙂 But after a couple conversations with my amazing doula, I finally started searching for a therapist that would meet my wants and needs. I preferred someone who had gone through childbirth and specialized in postpartum mental health, and that was Mexican. And while I was willing to get two out of three of those preferences, I found the perfect person.

I started my first therapy session in August. I wanted to get in as soon as possible, because this baby was due Oct. 15. And oh boy, it was a good thing she had an opening because Jasper James was born September 29th (but that’s a story for another day)! Only 3 or 4 sessions in! I originally thought that I was going to take a month off but after some troubleshooting with life, I was back two weeks later. (Praise the Lord for Zoom therapy!) And late last year, I finally got a diagnosis. Bipolar ll, a.k.a bipolar depression, is the answer to my crazy mental health game. Because I felt like I was jumping rope with my depression, going up and down. It turns out I was. I suspected two things, ADHD or Bipolar ll.

I took a few days to let that sink in. It brought so much relief to my life because, now, I could get properly dosed. And after a few trial and error moments, I have my anti-depressant and mood stabilizer. And although I still have my tough moments (breastfeeding mama with a three and two-year-old), I can say I am doing better. I’m not perfect, nor do I expect to be, but better… definitely better.

So 2023, I finally have some goals for you…

• Continue to dive into the Word and trusting in God
• Attend our new church-home on a regular basis
• Continue with therapy
• Walk 20 miles a month from March to October
• Get strong enought to be able to run
• Enjoy my caos
• Learn my stimulating limits
• Continue to be vournable
• Continue to work on loving deeper

Commit your works to the LORD and your plans will be established.

Proverbs 16:3